We had a 60-minute office session today. Tom came in looking really worn down and said it's been getting harder and harder to take care of his mom, who has dementia. He said quote 'She's not the same person anymore, and I don't know how to deal with it' unquote. He talked about how his mom's personality has changed so much, she used to be warm and funny, and now she's often confused, sometimes agitated, and she doesn't recognize him some days. He said it feels like he's grieving her even though she's still here, and that makes him feel guilty.
We spent some time talking about how that grief is real and valid. It's called anticipatory grief, and it's completely normal when someone you love is changing due to dementia. I reassured him that it's okay to mourn the person she used to be while also caring for the person she is now. We also talked about the stress of caregiving, he's been doing most of it on his own, and he's exhausted. He said he feels like he can't take a break without feeling guilty.
We worked on some communication adjustments that might help. I explained that trying to correct her or bring her back to reality often just causes more distress for both of them, so instead he can try validating her emotions and going along with where she is.
What else, oh yeah, we talked about boundaries and how he doesn't have to do this alone. I suggested looking into respite care or asking other family members to step up more, because he can't pour from an empty cup. His homework is to research respite care options in his area and to practice one of the communication strategies we talked about. He seemed a little less overwhelmed by the end, like he finally had permission to take care of himself too. We'll meet again in two weeks to check in.
