Today's session was 60 minutes, in-office. Vanessa came in looking anxious and said she's been having a really hard time in her relationship. She said quote 'Every time he doesn't text me back right away, I just panic' unquote. She described how even small things, like her partner not responding immediately, or seeming distracted, or needing space, trigger this intense fear that he's going to leave. She said she knows it's not rational, but in the moment it feels so real, and she ends up acting in ways that push him away, which makes the fear worse.
We talked about abandonment trauma and where these patterns might be coming from. She opened up about how her dad left when she was really young, and then later she had a couple of relationships where people just disappeared without explanation. She said she just learned that people leave, and she's always waiting for it to happen again. That wound is still really active, and her nervous system is on high alert for any sign that someone's pulling away.
We worked on some emotional regulation strategies she can use when that panic hits. First, grounding, I taught her the 5-4-3-2-1 technique to help bring her back to the present moment instead of getting lost in the fear. Second, self-soothing, we talked about what she can do to comfort herself in those moments, like wrapping herself in a blanket, listening to calming music, or calling a friend who's safe. Third, reality-testing, asking herself whether the fear is based on what's happening right now or what happened before. We also talked about secure attachment strategies, like communicating her needs to her partner in a calm way instead of reacting from the panic. Her homework is to practice grounding and self-soothing this week when the abandonment fear comes up, and to try reality-testing before she reacts. We'll meet again next week to see how it went.
